Judging

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

reason not to judge people

Assalamualaikum and good day !
How should I start my entry today? Awkwardness much!
Days are passing by in a light of speed that we are already in mid of August.

In today's post, I would like to write something personal...maybe not too personal. I would like to share about a nice conversation I had with a nice person.

Reason to stop judging people

You know what worry me most when I am in my late 20s ? Oh well, I'm not gonna tell you my age here. I have many thoughts running in my head right now sometime I feel like I have too many drawers in my head recently like a drawer I labeled as "pending" , "not important" and so on. 
Drawer I labeled as "pending" is always for things undone or things that I cannot solved even I already cracked my head for that. 

Married...is one of the things I currently put in my "pending" drawer. I'm happy when my friends invited me for their wedding, I mean it. But, deep inside my heart I asked and pray that my time will come soon. I mean... real soon. Even though I can say that I desperately wanted to get married and have my own family, I won't pick just anybody. I just won't. 

Let's make things short here. I just wanted to share my nice conversation with a nice person but suddenly ranting about wanted to get married. lols. Pardon my excitement pressing the keyboard after a long time. =)

Who are we to judge? 

Despite our best efforts, we all judge others. It might be over small things, like a co-worker who took too long of a lunch break. Or it might be over bigger issues, such as a person who behaves selfishly or hurts our feelings. 

Well, I have this one nice conversation, that person told me that we must refrain our self from judging others. We cannot judge people from his/her previous life because human are not perfect. We always make mistakes. There is always a room for improvement because we need to improve our self daily. 
That person later addressed the importance of  embracing the weaknesses and try to improve it rather than judging it.  
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I nodded as sign of agreement. 
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"You cannot judge people cause judging is will actually kill the potential of knowing him/her better" 
That's what that person told me. 
and I kinda agree.

As our conversation went deeper, that person told me those principle of 'don't judge a book by its cover' is very useful in a realm of marriage. When we are married, no matter how long you know him/her before married, that years of knowing each other don't help much because the first day you started to live together with your partner is actually counted back to zero . That reason literally telling me why many broken marriage were from first to fifth year of marriage. That 1-5 years of marriage is actually an introductory phase to your partner. 

If you judge your partner, when he/her did sometime beyond your expectation, it will easily affected you. Therefore we must not judge others ,instead accept them the way they are and help them to improve. That person said in a marriage life, its impossible to make two souls living as one. Each person must have their own preferences,hobbies, good and bad. So, we must accept them without judging them. There are so many more positive things to do instead of judging.  Reframe! When someone does something you don’t like, perhaps think of it as they are simply solving a problem in a different way than you would. Or maybe they have a different timetable than you do. This may help you be more open-minded and accepting of their behavior.
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I nodded for the second time.
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I remember the book I  once read, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. That book also emphasize on differences and how to embrace it. 

So what I can relate between judging and my condition of wanted to get married, that person told me to not judge neither judge myself too hard or judging others. We can judge as a precautions but never too hard because we are human after all.  

Just because you took longer than others, doesn't mean you failed. Remember that.
Well, thank you friend for you wisdom words. 

I hope this sharing can give a little positive in your life as much as it gives me. 
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Till we meet again,


Thank You For Reading This Post ! Komen lah sikit =)

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10 comments

  1. Fatina15 August 2017 at 18:24

    I'm in late 20s, well, I have to say I am to kind of desperately want to get married and have kids. you know, like ASAP! but we only plan, Allah knows better when we will get marry :)

    thank you for sharing about 'judging', zety. It's definitely an eye opener to everyone. I, myself can't deny that I used to judge people based on their behavior but somehow, all the judgement I have on them when wrong. I was..I kind hated myself for judging them/other people. Therefore, since then I won't judge people anymore.

    anyway, hi zety! you are back! yay! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. spitoutblog15 August 2017 at 19:26

      Ikr, coz judging will kill that other things we might see in them


      I dont know when I will write new post .lol

      Delete
  2. afifah16 August 2017 at 10:09

    The part saying we always judge is so true. Even the littlest stuff shouldn't be judged because not only it ruins the chance to know them better, it just weighed on us. Thinking the best of peoples liberates us. I used to ponder about that point where if two souls can live together if they accept each other since that is what friendship always based on. As we learn to know our friend slowly and taking in all of each other's weakness. But marriage always been promoted as LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Like it was kind of a magic thing to rule out everything. That is such a small minded love I'd say.



    Btw, truly appreciating you insightful comments in my blog. Am excited too to see a new update from you because I like your writing too. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. spitoutblog16 August 2017 at 14:24

      Yup, thx for your pov on this topic too.
      Marriage is more than just love. I get what u mean.

      Delete
  3. Eeiou_17 August 2017 at 21:42

    Well ppl are so quick to judge these days.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Eyqa Zaque19 August 2017 at 21:26

    Good post zety make me ponder awhile about how should marriage life will be. :3 huhu

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rasya | nurulrasya.com20 August 2017 at 14:42

    Lamanya tak nampak zety!

    One of my besties got married last month and suddenly I started to get all the pressures of finding a boyfriend and advices from mak cik mak cik to not be so demanding so I wouldn't end up as anak dara tua lol.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Najah Mustapa21 August 2017 at 00:45

    nice words!

    ReplyDelete
  7. SIQAHIQA24 August 2017 at 06:06

    Yes dear. Don't just pick up anybody. You need to survive with him for a lifetime. Pick somebody that will treasure and love you <3 Tak kisah lambat, asalkan pilihan tepat. InsyAllah :)

    I totally agree with this "That 1-5 years of marriage is actually an introductory phase to your partner". Even Siqah couple dengan suami 8 years before kahwin, masih lepas kahwin, adalah beberapa perangai dia yang baru tahu. Hebat dia sorok masa bercinta dulu. Haha.

    Dan Zety, thank you sangat untuk ini, "Just because you took longer than others, doesn't mean you failed." I really need this now!

    Much love for you Zety, Lama tau tak nampak :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Unknown24 August 2017 at 08:36

    damn... I just realized that there are still many ppl do blog. I do blog too, and I thought this medium has died since semua blogger famous dulu dulu dah stop. Keep blogging, loved reading your blog. And your time will come <3 Macam orang kata, yang terbaik selalunya lambat. Hehe

    ReplyDelete